Waiting...

waiting...

waiting...

... I didn't know it was this hard to wait for something to happen. Learning to be calm, be peaceful, and be patient...

photos by Natalie Lo Lai Lai

９ヶ月 ー 9 months

- photos by Natalie Lo Lai Lai -

２０１１年、５月に妊娠がわかって、今日、明日にも産まれそうな我が子を思い、時を振り返ってみる。長かったようであっという間だったこの時間ももうすぐ終わりかと思うとちょっと寂しい感じもする。去年はいろんな意味で自分達の夢を叶えた年だったから妊娠が分かった時はとっても嬉しかった。”Gabe, you will be a father...”　Daddyに伝えた初めての知らせだよ。二人で長い間見つめ合って、ハグしたのを覚えてる。赤ちゃんが欲しいねって話してたことがとうとう現実になるんだって、不思議と不安がなくて信じられない喜びと期待でいっぱいになったよね。この９ヶ月の間は自分にとって今までの人生や美術、演劇の世界で頑張れた自分を見つめ直し、そして時間をかけて感謝するいい時をすごせたと思う。ありがとう。

Our baby boy is coming out in any minutes now. Today... or tomorrow? Instead of being too anxious, I thought it is a good time for me to look back my last 9 months with him in my tummy. I am so ready, yet a little sad that soon I won't be able to feel him side of my stomach.

We found out about my pregnancy in May 2011 at home. The year 2011 was a magical year for both me and Gabe. As an artist / creator, we have done so many different projects, and last year, for the first time we felt that we are living the life we dreamed when we were little. We felt so satisfied with our creative freedom, friends, achievements, quality of work etc... In all aspects, there are many things to improve, yet we felt so ready to share with a new member in our life.

"Gabe, you will be a father...” This was the first thing I told Gabe, when we discovered about our baby. We were just staring at each other for a long time, and hugged so tightly. That was the moment we both felt Wow... now everything we were just talking, wishing, hoping became REALITY!! For some reasons, there were no fear or anxiety. We felt so content and peaceful.

It was an amazing 9 months for me to re-think about my art/theater making, and what I want in my work, in my life. But most of all, I had a great time appreciating what I have. Thank you for this amazing time my little new buddy!

Heart beat

photos by Steffan Jones

妊娠２ヶ月くらいだった頃、はじめてお腹の赤ちゃんの心臓の音を聞いた。その心臓のリズムの早さに驚きジーンときた。こんなにリズム早く小さいのに力強く動いているのかと思うと不思議な気持ちになった。生命ってすごいな。９ヶ月間もこの早さで大丈夫なのかと心配にさえなった。笑）　頑張っているんだな。

It was around two months in my pregnancy, I heard the baby's heartbeats for the first time. It was so incredible. It was almost twice as faster than our heart beats. The babies have such a small tiny body yet, their heartbeats were so strong and fast. I felt the power of LIFE. I remember almost wanted to warn him, "Hey my little buddy, you still have 9 months to go! Slow down a little! " :))

〔雨ニモマケズ〕 宮沢賢治

- photos by Natalie Lo Lai Lai -

妊娠が分かると良く聞く胎教。妊娠２０週目から、音楽を聞かせたり、お話したり、産まれてくる子に良いと周りから大切だよと勧められる。日本ではモーツアルトなどのクラシックを聞くのがいいってよく耳にするけど、音楽は別としてモーツアルト自身の生き様ってあまり好きじゃないかも。笑)　そんなことを考えていたとき、ふと最近気になっている宮沢賢治の書き残し、「雨ニモマケズ」を思い出した。東日本大震災の後、米首都のワシントン大聖堂で被災者のために祈りを捧げる機会があった際、宮沢賢治の「雨ニモマケズ」のほぼ全文などが読み上げられたとニュースサイトで見た。それをきっかけに宮沢賢治とこの文についていろいろ調べて学んだのだけれど、日本人、人としての心というか口に出して、覚えてみるとなぜだか勇気づけられ、考えさせられ、力を貰い、この妊娠中も何度も散歩道で暇さえあれば口づさんでいた。この書き下ろしの奥の深さを書くと長くなるけれど、仁もお腹の中で何か感じとっていてくれたらいいなと思う。

After around 20 weeks of pregnancy, listening to good music, reading some books, are said to have a good effect on an unborn baby. In Japan, all the classic music especially the compositions by Mozart are highly recommended! ( I am not sure why especially Mozart!? .. haha) Anyways, I do appreciate his music, but not so much fan of his lifestyle. :P I also came across a piece of writing "Amenimo Makezu" by Kenji Miyazawa around the same time. This piece of writing was shared after the special prayers for Tohoku Japan Earthquake and Tsunami victims at the Washington National Cathedral. "Amenimo Makezu" is a famous writing that all Japanese students were taught during their Japanese lessons. However, I remembered a very little about this writing. So I became very curious and researched about the writer and his piece. More I discovered the back stories and the depth of this writing, I was inspired by it a lot. It was a good encounter to re-evaluate my own life value. I recite "Amenimo Makezu" quite a lot when I went for a walk outside. On my way to MTR, down the mountain... Hope my little baby dragon in my tummy found it peaceful as much as I felt during my walk.

雨ニモマケズ　宮沢賢治

雨ニモマケズ

風ニモマケズ

雪ニモ夏の暑さにもマケヌ

丈夫ナカラダヲモチ

欲ハナク

決シテ瞋ラズ

イツモシヅカニワラッテヰル

一日ニ玄米四合ト

味噌ト少シノ野菜ヲタベ

アラユルコトヲ

ジブンヲカンジョウニ入レズニ

ヨクミキキシワカリ

ソシテワスレズ

野原ノ松ノ林ノ蔭ノ

小サナ萱ブキノ小屋ニヰテ

東ニ病気ノコドモアレバ

行ッテ看病シテヤリ

西ニツカレタ母アレバ

行ッテソノ稲ノ束ヲ負ヒ

南ニ死ニサウナ人アレバ

行ッテコハガラナクテモイゝトイヒ

北ニケンクワヤソショウガアレバ

ツマラナイカラヤメロトイヒ

ヒドリノトキハナミダヲナガシ

サムサノナツハオロオロアルキ

ミンナニデクノボートヨバレ

ホメラレモセズ

クニモサレズ

サウイフモノニ

ワタシハナリタイ

Miyazawa Kenji

not losing to the rain

not losing to the wind

not losing to the snow nor to summer's heat

with a strong body

unfettered by desire

never losing temper

cultivating a quiet joy

every day four bowls of brown rice

miso and some vegetables to eat

in everything

count yourself last and put others before you

watching and listening, and understanding

and never forgetting

in the shade of the woods of the pines of the fields

being in a little thatched hut

if there is a sick child to the east

going and nursing over them

if there is a tired mother to the west

going and shouldering her sheaf of rice

if there is someone near death to the south

going and saying there's no need to be afraid

if there is a quarrel or a lawsuit to the north

telling them to leave off with such waste

when there's drought, shedding tears of sympathy

when the summer's cold, wandering upset

called a nobody by everyone

without being praised

without being blamed

such a person

I want to become

Ren 仁 ：名の由来

photo by Steffan Jones

産まれてくる子供の名前を考えるのって本当に大変。その子は一生その名と共に生きるのかと思うと責任を感じずにはいられない。やっぱりアメリカ国籍、日本国籍、香港生まれとなるとどこの国でも通用するような名前がいいかなと思うし、というわけでいろいろ候補があって何回変えたかな？笑　　Jad, Max, Jay, Ryu, Tak...

Ren に落ち着いたのはGabeが朝起きて、いきなり“レン”がいい！と言い出したから。短い音の響きから気に入った名前だったけど、漢字を“仁”と決めてから産まれてくる子にぴったりだと思った。仁：「他人に対する親愛の情、優しさ」を意味。日本語読みすると“じん”になるけど、あえて中国語読みの“れん”と読ませることで香港、アジアどこでも親しんでもらえるかな、と願いを込めて。

Naming a child is a difficult job. It is hard not to feel the responsibility of selecting a name for the child to live with it for the rest of his life. On top of that, we wanted to choose a name that sounds nice, and has no wired meaning attached and pronounced easily in at least three language Japanese, English and Chinese. How many different names have we called him? ... Jad, Max, Jay, Ryu, Tak...

Finally we decided to call him "Ren". Gabe woke up one day, and he said, how about "REN"？ He liked the sound of it. Short, unique and strong. As we researched for different Chinese/ Japanese Kanji character, I fell in love with the name REN = 仁. In Japanese WIKIPEDIA site the character 仁 was mentioned with description of the confucianism " The act of Love for others. Human-heartedness" In Japan, we would pronounce the character JIN, however, we like the uniqueness of calling him Ren as we like the sounds of it.

Of course, Gabe had to added, it like Ren from "Ren and Stimpy"!!

My New Year Resolution! 今年の意気込み。

今年がんばりたいこと。出産一ヶ月後に控えていっぱいあるけど、まずは家庭での野菜作り！去年の終わり頃友達にバジルに種をもらいました。小学生のとき学校でジャガイモを育てて以来、野菜を育てるなんて経験がなかったので、種をもらったときはとっても新鮮な気分になりました。そっか、家でも食物を育てられるんだよね。なんでもスーパーのパッケージに頼っている今日このごろ。新たな気持ちて食べ物に感謝したい。

My new year's resolution!!!! There are many things that I want to accomplish. Not to mention, my baby is due next month Feb 9th! A friend of mine gave me some basil seeds at the end of last year. Last memory that I remember taking care of any vegetables were during my primary school years. We all grew potatoes in our school's back garden. It was so refreshing for me to see the seeds of plants! Nowadays, I don't think twice when I buy vegetables at the supermarket. But this year, I want to find more things that I can grow myself at home. I want to reconnect to appreciate the value of food.

Happy New Year 2012! 明けましておめでとうございます。

Happy New Year! I wish everyone to have a happy, loving, wonderful year of 2012 :) "39 more days to cook our baby in my tummy! "

明けましておめでとうございます。今年もよろしくお願いします。日本の家族、親戚とスカイプできたので、気分もやっとお正月。やっぱりおせち料理を食べたり、朝からお酒飲んで楽しそうな姿をみるとほっとする。今年一年もみんなにとって幸せな、充実したものになりますように。

はるか